If parents just went by the news media, kids would only be home-schooled and never given access to technology, or even allowed to leave the house to play on the street. Stories abound of teens lured into sexual bondage by false promises of music video and modeling stardom, seduced by ISIS recruiters into flying to Syria, or even just convinced to send explicit nude pictures over chat. Though most kids won’t be pulled into such extreme situations, and many experts have been pushing back against falling into a techno-panic mindset, the fact remains that though there are undoubtedly a lot of negative things kids can be exposed to online, there are also a lot of good things they’d miss out on if they were denied access to the internet.
How can parents find a healthy balance between unrestricted access and totally controlled supervision?
The first and most important step is teaching kids to use the internet and social media responsibly. This training should be started early, since kids younger and younger are using the internet and being marketed to specifically by websites known as virtual worlds. Though these online playgrounds are controlled and monitored, with little ad content, kids need to be taught how to recognize predatory behavior and how to rebuff unwelcome advances. When talking about the subject, it’s crucial to go beyond simple instructions to never engage with strangers or seek out risky behavior (such as private chatrooms and sexual talk), but to be specific. Parents should go over red-flag questions like "Where do you live?" or "What are you wearing?, explaining why these can be dangerous and inappropriate. Role-playing can a great tool to help approach the subject, even if it may feel a little silly.
What if you’ve already talked to your kids but still have concerns?
Even after doing some role-playing and providing a good example of responsible use of the internet and social media, many parents will still worry. Maybe a child is spending an inordinate amount of time online, is worrisomely preoccupied with social status, or has suddenly become withdrawn and anxious since being given internet access. Though these behaviors can point to a number of different causes, monitoring the child’s internet usage may give some insight.
Enter the parental app
A good parental control app—an application designed to let parents monitor or control their children’s phones and filter what they see on the internet—can be a useful tool to help parents or guardians make sure their kids are safe. These apps can be purchased for different devices, as they’re usually designed for either specific types of devices (either a computer’s operating system or mobile devices).
- Mobile device apps - Comprehensive parental control apps not only let you monitor your kids’ communications, but also manage and schedule phone usage, pausing or blocking the phone at certain times of the day. For example, it’s possible to block the phone during the times you know the teen is driving or when they’re supposed to be studying. Other features like app blocking can help parents customize which apps they use, by specifically limiting the amount of time the child spends, for example, gaming or on social media. These scheduling features, app blocking, and social media monitoring can help the child be more engaged and focused, and even prevent possible internet addiction.
- Operating system apps or web browsing apps - Windows, Mac OS, and Google Chrome all have built-in parental controls, which can be customized per profile. However, parents can also sign up for free or paid apps which can allow them to set rules, schedule timing, and block pornography or other inappropriate content. Some apps even track keystrokes, or allow for silent listening into WhatsApp conversations and Skype calls.
What issues can parental apps help with?
If a parent or guardian does decide to go the route of a parental control app, it’s crucial that it is used in partnership with kids, as part of an open and honest relationship, not as a way to secretly spy and monitor behavior. It’s important not to establish a child vs. adult dynamic, as it will only be counterproductive and ultimately useless, breeding unnecessary resentment. To combat this possible family division, research is suggested. A parent's commitment to online safety begins with their own education. Let’s take a look at what can be combatted with a good parental app.
- Cyber-bullying: A couple of decades ago, pre-digital age, bullying was mostly left on the school playground. Kids could go home, and (hopefully) engage with their family, people who supported them and helped them get some perspective on their day and their own self-worth. For many kids today, however, the pressure doesn’t let up.
- Excessive internet and social media usage: When it comes to screen time, less is more. The more screen time a teen gets—regardless of what they are looking at—the more likely their mental health is to suffer. Smartphones can be hugely addictive for all ages, but teens are especially vulnerable to developing an unhealthy reliance on their digital life. Excessive usage has been linked to increased anxiety, depression and suicide, with the greatest danger seen from teens spending three or more hours on their devices.
- Alienation: Though there are some people who claim that excessive online activity can foster escapist behaviors, encouraging internet relationships over real-life ones, many studies have found the exact opposite to be true. According to the Pew Internet Research Project, teens with online friends feel a sense of community, with online friends offering a support network and sense of connection. Notwithstanding these findings, children and teens should learn to balance their online friendships with IRL (in real life) relationships, and internet time management limits via a parental app can help.
- Pornography: The truth is, a substantial number of kids are watching online pornography, and many of these are seeing videos depicting violent or criminal acts. Though a very limited number of studies have attempted to prove that earlier sexual encounters and gender stereotyping are a direct result of viewing porn at a young age, these merely show correlations (it’s unclear whether teens who are curious about sex watch pornography or if watching the images leads to earlier sexual behavior). In any case, early exposure to pornography can definitely be damaging to a child or teen’s sense of what constitutes a healthy sexuality, leading them to believe that the sex they’re watching onscreen is the way they are expected to behave, or feel. This problem may stem in part from an uncertainty of what is real and what is just acted in each video or image, but can eventually lead to using porn as a how-to guide and result in problems with self-worth if the real thing doesn’t play out the way it did onscreen.
Giving the child the support he or she needs
Although there is some legitimate debate about the merits and ethics of looking at what your kids do on the phone and reading their conversations with friends, it’s only as intrusive as the parent wants to be. Though there are some apps that claim to be “invisible” on the phone (not appearing on the list of apps for example), allowing parents to monitor their kids without their knowing, this can lead to a devastating loss of trust from the child if they find out.
We always recommend that parents talk to their kids about how they’re being monitored, and why and how these apps can protect them. For example, having a SOS button that lets the child transmit their location to the parent in case of an emergency can give both parents and kids more peace of mind. In many cases, it can also give parents the security they need to allow their kids more freedom, knowing they always have the ability to reach them. Becoming aware of bullying behavior early on - something that many kids might have trouble talking about - can be an opportunity to give the child the support he or she needs. And catching inappropriate contact over social media or texting can even avoid a tragedy.
In fact, if used correctly, these apps can be great tools to address issues before they become problems, lead to more transparent communication, and even help parents to understand their kids’ world a lot better.